Everyone who is hurting may find himself/herself influenced or driven by one or two of the three actions listed below:
- Yield to the voice of the hurting emotions inflamed with adrenaline rush for retaliation or revenge;
- Yield to the voice of the devil, in addition to point no.1 above – to do something terrible.
- Yield to the voice of God – and manifest the fruit of the spirit;
When crisis looms, what do you do and who do you listen to? Is it Jesus or your hurting emotions or the devil – the enemy of marriage-who does not want your marriage to succeed? Sometimes, one person’s obedience to God may save the whole marriage from total collapse! And that may mean sacrificing one’s personal interest in order to give way to God’s own main interest. God’s main interest has always been that no marriage MUST sink! We read in Malachi 2:16, where God said He hates putting away (divorce). Divorce shouldn’t even be the last resort like people may say, but should never ever be thought of in the first place! God created marriage, and the devil instigates separation and divorce through man’s disobedience to the Word of God. Divorce is mostly traceable to the hardness of one’s heart, which is called sklērõkardia in Greek; that is, a heart that is deprived of God’s Word. (See Matthew 19:8). It is better that one person be on God’s side, than for the two persons to be on the same side with the devil, due to disobedience, incessant strife, bitterness and unforgiveness. The fact is, God can still use the spouse who is faithful and available to win back the other partner that is found wanting. (See 1 Peter 3:1-7; Ephesians 5:25).
CASE #4: A Ship on the High Sea!
The family or marriage can be compared to a ship on the sea. On the ship there are the captain (the one in charge), the assistant captain, the crew and the passengers. Although, in a Christian marriage, both husband and wife are co-equals and joint heirs together of the grace of life; the husband occupies a superior leading role over his wife. Not that he is superior and his wife is inferior or a second class human. No! However, because of the mission that God is set to accomplish through them, the man becomes the head of that mission, while the woman gives him her supporting strength.
Imagine that while on the high sea, the captain and the assistant (husband and wife) are engrossed in a prolonged and serious battle against one another, or one person refusing to team up with the other to fight against external forces that are confronting their unity! That voyage can become so disastrous and the entire marriage-ship will sink if care is not taken. What would happen to the passengers (children) is left unimaginable! This, in a way describes the pathetic story of many Christian marriages today.
A Distress Call Against Threats!
If a ship on the high sea is confronted with an imminent danger and requires an immediate assistance for the vessel to survive; a distress call is quickly made through a transmitter radio to the nearest coast guard on a harbor station. It is the duty of the captain to make such emergency calls – stating the nature of the looming challenge and the position of the
vessel. Ably assisted by the assistant captain, the captain must do all he can to follow every instruction-in order to ensure that at least lives are protected during the voyage. Our marriage-ships therefore, have been set on a dominion voyage; and only those who sail together on the fuel of Agape and with the unstoppable and unpredictable current of the Holy Spirit with the infallible Word of God will be able to navigate against the boisterous tidal waves of Satan on the high sea of human troubles and existence. Much is expected from the captain, that is, the husband!
When couples who are stakeholders in marriage fail to give a distress call on time, (when their marriage voyage is facing a chaotic threat) the consequences can be of a disastrous type. One person should always initiate a distress call on time to the Holy Spirit-the great teacher. Other avenues or contacts for emergency management could be those whose faith and experience have gotten them great successes in their marriages!
The Needed Wisdom
Consider a father sending his son to buy some bread for breakfast; and on the way the child is confronted by a bully. The bully challenges him and hinders him from completing his errand. What should he do if the bully tends to overwhelm him? Should he become so stupid to remain there fighting the bully, not minding if he loses his life at the end? No! Remember, he was supposed to go buy some bread! Did he send himself on that errand? Was he meant to stay and fight anyone who waylays him until he loses his life and then put the rest of the family in Jeopardy? The answer is NO!
The simple thing he can do is for him to find his way back home and report the bully to his Dad -who sent him on that trip. His Dad would tell him what to do. God will not fail to give wisdom to those who desire and ask from him. (See James 1:5). How is it that many marriage partners find it very easy to take laws into their hands to maltreat or divorce their spouses, instead of seeking God’s face and taking heed to what He says in His Word? It is so disheartening to hear what some Christians who have been baptized with the Holy Spirit do to their partners – in a supposedly godly home!
CASE #5: He Killed His Brother While Working in Their Father’s Farm!
Imagine another scenario, where a father sends two of His children to go and do some work in His farm. An argument arises and the junior becomes extremely rude to his senior brother. Then, someone who had witnessed this, encourages the senior to deal with his brother mercilessly! The senior (who felt the shame of being looked down upon and his position ridiculed), then lands his brother a deadly blow. His brother slumps to the ground, and the man who instigated his unguarded action takes off, while he cries, his heart gripped with fear, and full of regret.
These two cases (#4 and #5) describe in a way, how some Christian couples have listened to the devil through their flesh (hurting emotions). They took the laws into their hands and dealt mercilessly with their marriage partners; and in turn lost the home that both of them have been trying to build together.
The irony is that, just like the man in case #5 above disappeared, that is exactly how the devil has done to so many people. He influenced them to take the wrong move that led them into various woes making them abandon God’s divine assignment for their marriage!
If you are finding it very difficult to help your wife transform into becoming a virtuous wife or have a hard task in getting your husband to be on God’s page with you (as a real man) please, go seek God’s face. FIND OUT WHAT TO DO AND ASK HIM FOR GRACE TO ADEQUATELY CARRY OUT THE INSTRUCTIONS HE SHOWS YOU
ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD.
- Don’t take the law into your own hands to do otherwise!
- Remember that God has sent you on an errand to carry out your own marriage assignment!
There’s always a reward for whatever we do whether good or bad! You might need to get wisdom from the wise – those who have been there and are successful in their own marriage. Paul says in Galatians 6:7, “Don’t be misled-you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” (NLT)
Assignment Still Speaks Even Where Expectations are not Met
Not one person can do it all alone! Husband and wife need each other. Imagine if Eve had been all along cooperating with her husband, even when the devil had met her. Things probably wouldn’t have gone the way it went, if she hadn’t taken that decision to obey the devil. This, however, is not peculiar to Adam and Eve only, but to all of us, -especially those whose marriages are in Christ. We can only understand this, if we will dare to quantify the enormous results of the mutual contributions of a husband and his wife to their ministry. One of the scriptures, which beautifully shows the best result that could ever be attained by couples who work in mutual agreement, is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.
Surprisingly, the first verse summarizes the success of a couple’s lovely roles and unflinching support for each other’s benefits. “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour” -Ecclesiastes 4:9.
Many Christian families on earth could have been experiencing their rest in various ways, while fulfilling the mandate of dominion, if only the stakeholders (husbands and wives) have understood what it takes to practice the art of heart-nakedness before God and before each other.
- Having a couple-mindset is a key to successful achievements in marriage, if couples MUST have dominion.
- Dominion through marriage can only be possible when husbands and wives work together as “one flesh.”
WORKING TOGETHER! Husbands and wives must continuously work together – everyone working in his or her own role towards each other at the center. To achieve this, there must be absolute love from the man for his wife; and absolute submission from the woman to her husband. I call it corporate love.
Only the marriages of couples that uphold the marriage wisdom within Eccl. 4:9-12a that will remain branded in God (Christ).
They will hit a note of success and fulfillment in their marriage life.
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken“ -Eccl. 4:12 AMP. This is the marriage of couples who are KINGDOM MINDED through Christ’s Word. Unfortunately, the desperate quest for children or a male child too amongst many other issues, have made many to take the laws into their hands and defile their marriage bed. Jesus said in Matthew 15:3, “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition?” It’s so sad to say, that many Christians have maligned the truth of the gospel through their immoral or lascivious ways. They “follow their destructive ways” instead of following the truth contained in scriptures. (See 2 Pet. 2:2).
Marriage holds a divine assignment from God, and couples shouldn’t dissolve or mess it up because of lack of children. Yes! No doubt children are products/blessings of the marriage union. But disobeying God, and breaking the marriage boundary-through scxual immortality or divorce, in order to have a child is absolute wickedness. It is sinful and punishable by God (Hebrew 13:4). This is highly treacherous, and God highly detests it. (Malachi 2:11-16).
REMINISCENCE
Don’t take the law into your hands against your husband when you find him fall short of his love for you. Instead, go back to God and ask Him for His enabling grace to do what you must do that God will be pleased with.
Husbands Lose out if They Don’t Love
Many men have since lost out of this great benefit, due to the way they unleash their attitude treacherously against their wives (I Pet. 3:7; Mal. 2:10, 13-14). Many have divorced or thrown their wives away, due to the hardness of their hearts; thus they took the law into their hands, instead of going back to God to ask Him, ‘Lord! What do I do?’ How do I handle this situation?’ Many men, have been swayed out of God’s will by their parents to commit adultery/marry another partner, or have a concubine who would give them a male child, etc. There’s no good thing that can ever come forth from a wrong thing already forbidden by God! God will never re-constitutionalise His will, and call any sinful act good or holy. God has already declared, “Woe unto them that call evil good” (Isa. 5:20 KJV).
Wives Should Submit with a Sense of Sobriety!
Wives, your submission is not in your beauty or the clothes you wear; it is found in the bundle of honour you have for your husband; through the love you have for God. It does not matter if he is poor, or whether you are richer than him. God gave him that honour to be your head. God does not play politics. He will never make you the head over your husband, because you called yourself the breadwinner. What God gives one person is meant for the other too. In other words, one person’s breakthrough is for both to enjoy. You cannot be richer than your husband. If you are rich, he is rich too. If you abuse him and you call him poor, so you have also named and cursed yourself as poor. Be guaranteed that you will eat the fruit of your lips; “for the two saith He (God), shall become one flesh” (KJV). Your good reward from God will be possible, only through the way God assesses your humility to your husband. You are simply created by God for your husband, to help him fulfil his assignment. The woman was created for the man (1 Corinthians 11:9). The place of fulfilment of your destiny as a married woman is referenced to your primary assignment as your husband’s “helper” or “helpmeet.”
CONCLUSION
- Marriage is a divine assignment
- Marriage enhances ministry; and in turn
- Ministry enhances dominion.
Those who obey God in respect of doing their own side of the assignment, will definitely enjoy the oil of blessings attached to the honour that is divinely accrued to marriage. So, HUSBANDS, do your assignment; love your wives unconditionally. WIVES, submit to your husbands unconditionally! If you are the only one keeping to your own side of your assignment from God, don’t worry, God will reward you because, “… whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”
How many of us who call ourselves followers of Christ truly practice this?
44… I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? 47 Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect”–Matthew 5:44-48.
Let us look at another scripture:
- “4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
- does not behave rudely, 5 does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails….”-1 Cor. 13:4-8.
Agape (God’s benevolent love), is the only love that can put you over every negative circumstance that Satan could ever employ to pull your marriage down. We must practice this love! Conquerors don’t do common things. It is a supernatural and unusual love given to us by God through the death of His Son on the cross as a propitiation for our sin. The Word of God matures us in love. Believers are supposed to walk in love. (Ephesians 5:2). How we use God’s Word to live or walk in love reflects how spiritually matured we are. In fact, critically looking at God’s love itself, I mean agape (God’s unconditional love), we cannot but conclude, that it is designed or configured to face all odds that could emanate from a partner or someone who becomes unlovable!
CASE #6: I Don’t Know What to Believe Anymore!
I remember counselling a married woman through a phone call some years ago. She was seriously not happy about certain ways her husband was handling things. She felt he wasn’t carrying her along over some salient issues in their marriage.
And her reactions had started affecting her not wanting to do things together with her husband, including matters of church. In fact, in her own words she said, ‘I don’t know what I believe about my husband and myself anymore!’ I then asked her to open her Bible to 1 Corinthians 13, and I started to read from verse four. By the time I got to verse seven-(agape) “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” she interrupted me quickly with a sharp and brief laughter and said; ‘Wow! Pastor Chris, do you know that I have never seen it like this!’ Today, she’s still living with her husband and God is blessing them. This is what happens – a turnaround occurrence, when the Word of God shines into our hearts as revelation. When marriage partners conceive the revelation of God’s Word, they are bound to birth the will of God for their marriage – which is success! Success does not mean the absence of trouble. Just as light is to darkness, subduing it; so is agape (God’s love) to uncanny behaviours of others around us. And this agapë we are told has been spread abroad in our hearts as born again believers (Rom. 5:5).
We all need (from time to time when challenges come our way), to receive by faith the grace of God that will enable us manifest this love (agape). Couples should eagerly yearn to love themselves not to be poised critically against each other.
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